out and aboout.

in a wonderfully orchestrated day, God at once taught me, reminded me, gave me back my capacity to love, and refilled me with joy. this day was incidentally one of the most depressing, emotionally distressing days i've had in a long while (Bob was the lucky one who got to bear the brunt of snarky remarks when i wasn't in attitudes of deathly despair). but in His perfect way He turned sorrow into more joy than i've ever had before. nothing really drastic happened either - just delicious illumination. i have no cause to be depressed if everything i do, i do for Him.

the pastor was right, once you trust God, you gain perspective. my life is not hopeless. i just forgot what to hope for. but i remember again and i'm rejoicing for it! He let me wander in the dark, not as a punishment for my sins, but for me to rediscover that He is good. Jesus said to Peter, right after He predicted Peter's famous denial, "Let not your heart be troubled..." (John 14:1)

so i'm not gonna either.

i need a direction. i just want to know where i'm going, what i'm heading for. nowadays it seems like whatever i do is a pointless mess. i don't really know why i do them anymore. i knew once, but i've forgotten. so i'm not doing work just because i don't see why i should, or if i do, it's not for me that i do it. i might have pms. although somehow i think that even if that went away, i'd still feel the same way.

i don't want to carry other people's burdens anymore. i'm quite tired. i know, i help. but who's going to help me? i'm just so very tired...

Dentures Brynn!

Hehehehe! Bean put her retainers in the cup we use to put our toothbrushes! Machiam dentures! I'm so tickled! Note also how everything else around it is so neatly placed. And also that the tube of toothpaste has had it's contents pushed to the front because the way i left it all bumpy was untidy. Bean amuses me so much!!!