Yes. Even though you dont deserve me.

I've started writing strong, recurring feelings down. Not here though. Some are too private for public display. I might post some here if i feel like it, though. Like so. Comments are welcome. Questions are not.

Why does it happen, everytime i see you? Your presence reduces me to a mumbling idiot. I am a quivering mess evertime you walk by. You dont even know.
I think of clever things to say, lost in a reverie, for the next time i see you, whenever. But they run and hide when you appear, leaving me at a rueful loss for words. Then words of delicious humour and razor sharp wit cascade into my lap the moment i sink, head in hands, into a heap on the floor. They dance in impish glee, taunting my attempts, poisoning my thoughts.
I dont want to feel like that, I realy dont. I get distracted for hours on end, thinking about what happened, and what should have happened. If only i dared. But i dont. Everytime.
All this gets tiring after a while.
I always smile and pretend i dont feel a thing. I lie when my answer to your greeting is "I'm fine." Because right at that moment i'm not. I'm in an insane panic.
You dont even know.