My Melancholic Fit.
I was sitting in the cafe last Friday in Burke Science Building drinking tea next to the window by myself. I looked out of the window and was compelled to write the following in the back of the Biology section of my school notebook (written with the intention of blogging it directly):
"I looked out of the window. It was a particularly nice, sparkly sort of morning. The sunlight was visibly golden, and made everything else look radiant and rich, and the world somehow looked more intriguing all of a sudden. The clouds looked exactly like cotton wool puffs on a gentle baby blue sky. I munched happily on my tea biscuit and tried to study my notes.
I looked at the sky again and suddenly thought of my sunny little island (as i have done so often everyday) under that very same sky, shining in its own splendid smallness. I thought of the people in it, people i miss so much, whom i long to see and touch. They are under that same sky, but so, so, so far away. And suddenly the sunlight loses its charm and i feel so alone, separated from all possible human love. It's a so-near-yet-so-far thing.
How can i learn to love this place when all the things i love are somewhere else? I suppose you would say i could learn to love other things here. But well, what about the old things and people? I wont stop missing them. I just want to go home and STAY home. Life will be sunny there, rosy and fuller than any day this cold country has to offer. I look around me and i cannot find a single thing that warms me. The only thing i can do to feel better is think of home where there'll be warm rain instead of freezing snow, and grass that actually stays green.
But most of all, there'll be everything i love."
There. I'm not unhappy if thats what youre thinking. It was just a sudden overwhelming feeling i had to write down. And i wasnt being melodramatic either! It's funny how my writing changes with my mood. As i'm reading what i wrote, it sounds silly and overly-dramatic. But i assure you my dear friend, this is my soul's vomit.
"I looked out of the window. It was a particularly nice, sparkly sort of morning. The sunlight was visibly golden, and made everything else look radiant and rich, and the world somehow looked more intriguing all of a sudden. The clouds looked exactly like cotton wool puffs on a gentle baby blue sky. I munched happily on my tea biscuit and tried to study my notes.
I looked at the sky again and suddenly thought of my sunny little island (as i have done so often everyday) under that very same sky, shining in its own splendid smallness. I thought of the people in it, people i miss so much, whom i long to see and touch. They are under that same sky, but so, so, so far away. And suddenly the sunlight loses its charm and i feel so alone, separated from all possible human love. It's a so-near-yet-so-far thing.
How can i learn to love this place when all the things i love are somewhere else? I suppose you would say i could learn to love other things here. But well, what about the old things and people? I wont stop missing them. I just want to go home and STAY home. Life will be sunny there, rosy and fuller than any day this cold country has to offer. I look around me and i cannot find a single thing that warms me. The only thing i can do to feel better is think of home where there'll be warm rain instead of freezing snow, and grass that actually stays green.
But most of all, there'll be everything i love."
There. I'm not unhappy if thats what youre thinking. It was just a sudden overwhelming feeling i had to write down. And i wasnt being melodramatic either! It's funny how my writing changes with my mood. As i'm reading what i wrote, it sounds silly and overly-dramatic. But i assure you my dear friend, this is my soul's vomit.
posted by THE YANG at 15:54
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