More than just okay.

More Than Fine by Switchfoot

When i wake in the morning
I want to blow into pieces.
I want more than just okay,
More than just okay.

When i'm up with the sunrise,
I want more than just blue skies.
I want more than just okay,
More than just okay.


I want more than just okay. I want to be excellent. Okay is nothing more than what everyone else already has. I must have more than that. I was created for so much more.

Normal people suck.
-Gordon Sheridan

Be extraordinary.

Blumble.

Theme song for Muggeroo Month: Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood.

Jesus take the wheel.
Take it from my hands,
'Cause can't do it on my own.
I'mma let it go
...


DAMN IT! I'm this silly italic thingy isnt going away again!!! Time for another round of overemphasized rather random literary vomit. 'Random' and 'vomit' due to the fact that i'm under the influence of drugs, having taken a sleeping pill half an hour earlier. I am currently experiencing a breakdown in hand-eye coordination and also, and more importantly, the effects of a diminished memory since i cannot, for the life of me remember what i was going to say in this post.

I dont think there's any sense in continuing. Sleepy time.

Oh i know. I was going to say...

I really cant do this on my own. Firstly, i have no experience whatsoever in planning my studies and following a schedule, being an impossibly disorganised little girl. Secondly, i realise i stress extremely easily. I never actually accepted that until recently. Papa and mummy would know, after i bawled over the phone. So i dont know how i hold up under the pressure of a fixed schedule.

What can i do, but declare with all my soul: Jesus take the wheel, because i cant do this on my own.

The Spring of 2006.

When spring comes, something happens. And all's right with the world.

Spring does something to all God's little creatures as it sneaks in on the long hard winter. Everything comes alive again, and everything actually makes an effort to live. In winter it's like, 'I dont really care if i die because i'm so cold'. People are napping on the grass in the sunlight, playing frisbee/football/soccer in the fields, the birds have ressurrected, and i feel hot in my sweater. It better be light-sweater weather for a while man... OR ELSE WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ALL THE SWEATERS I BOUGHT HUH?

All you critters in Singapore cant possibly comprehend fully, this magical transformation; to be able to wear slippers outside without your toes feeling like they're going to fall off from frostbite, to realise that the sun actually gives warmth, the joy that overwhelms you when you remember that trees really are green. With the perpetual summer there, the fact that the sun is warm is painfully obvious, slippers are staples, and the trees in your neighbourhood will respire as long as the world shall live. Be thankful, darlings, for you dont know what evils the cold has in store for you (unless, of course, youre trapped in a Cold Storage refridgerator).

Anyways, what i want to say is, WHOOHOO FOR SPRING!, swishing her pretty skirts over dusty old Hamilton, reminding us that life really is worth living after all - even when one is having her period.

And HURRAY FOR EXAMS IN SPRING!!!

Muggeroo Month.

Second day of what i like to call "Muggeroo Month" and i think that things are going rather well. So far i've managed to stay somewhat on track with my schedule and i hope things will stay this way for the rest of it, which of course they won't. What is the afore mentioned "Muggeroo Month" you ask? Well, in view of the upcoming spring exams which loom ominiously over our clever heads, i have, with the advice of papa, created a rather detailed (by my standards) timetable for the next month all the way till i leave for home. Here's what it looks like:














Okay you can't really see all the antsy words but what you can (and should) take note of, is that it is colour-coded. *clapclapclapclap!* Impressive eh? And also notice that the 27th April box reads PACK FRANTICALLY.

OHO! BIG NEWS! PAPA IS COMING OVER ON THE 9TH WITH THE PRETEXT OF HELPING ME STUDY FOR MY EXAMS BUT WE ALL KNOW HE JUST WANTS TO COME OVER BECAUSE HE MISSES ME TOO MUCH AND THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE BUT I'M AWFULLY EXCITED THAT HE'S COMING!!! WE'RE GOING TO STUDY TOGETHER IN THE LIBRARY AND CONSUME COPIOUS VOLUMES OF COFFEE AND GO FOR MIDNIGHT SNACKS YEAY! HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! TELL ME WHO'S FATHER DOES THAT HUH? FLY TO CANADA TO HELP THE DOT TO STUDY FOR HER FINALS (WHICH IS NOT EVEN THAT MAJOR A FINALS CONSIDERING I'M IN FIRST YEAR). I DO DECLARE, THAT I AM THE SPOILEDEST KID IN THE WORLD. THANK YOU.

Pant.

Bean has set up to pull her Amelie. Under rigorous pressure and much yelling from me. I dont know if she's done it yet though, she hasnt been online the whole day. Let me give some background: Bean got picked up by this incredibly handsome young chap on the bus, presumaby from UBC. He asked for a name and phone number (in a rather cute way, i thought) of which she gave neither because she was absolutely petrified, a decision which she regretted immensely afterward. So she's going to put up posters telling him she would like to meet him after all, at the bus stop where she first saw him and hope he sees them, like in the movie Amelie. This is truely the stuff that movies are made of. For full details, see http://hodgepodge-salmagundi.blogspot.com/. I hope he finds her. Vice versa's fine too.

I have learnt several interesting things in class which i will now share with you.

Memories stored in our long term memory stay there indefinitely. When you cant recall something, it's because you lack the 'key' to access that information. One evidence of this claim is that people who have gone senile can recall memories from way way way back in their childhood ( and senile people are old, mind you) which they thought they had lost. My professor's grandmother went senile and started speaking russian, something she had not spoken since she was 4. Maybe when i'm old and senile i'll start speaking Mandarin.

Okay i'm too tired to type anymore, after doing extensive research on simple harmonic motions in the library with my Tim Horton's cup of tea.

Shower and sleep. Thats my goal in life for now.

Flatworms.

I WANT TO GO HOME!

Growlgrowlgrowl. Soooo near, one month and four days to go. But it's STILL SO FAR! It's a whole month away! The days are bloody crawling! UGH!

It's bio lab test today and there's so much to do. Filling in all the nasty little itsy nitty gritties that they might test you on, such as the brand of the microscope you used to examine pretty royal blue flatworms, Dugesia, into my lab notebook. I feel more sorry for my black G2 pen which has almost been depleted after only 2 weeks, than for myself. He has been working hard. And now the stupid italics function wont stop being switched on, no matter how many time i press ctrl i, so everything will sound very emphasized from now on. Okay back to lab test. It's worth 5% and Vighnesh and Jenn are stressing out now, desperately testing each other on the material. Me? As long as i think i know the material, i'm cool. And if i dont, it's cool too, cos it's only 5%. No big deal, darlings. They looked incredulously at me and Corey (Vighnesh's roommate who shares my sentiments, and who is very hot by the way, and Irish) who was watching 007, and carried on stressing. I dont understand these people. Maybe that's why they do so well and i only do okay well. But i cant live my life worrying like Vig does, or always 10 steps ahead of things like Jenn is. It just doesnt work for me. I'll die. Of suffocation and pimple outbreaks and lack of sleep. No no, being stressed all the time is not for me. I'd rather be relaxed, have an easy time, work enough to do well, and spend the rest of my time not thinking about work. Admittedly, i'm not doing my best right now and i recognize i have to change that, and put more effort into school. If i've put in my utmost and gotten mediocre results, i'll accept that and say that maybe studying is not my thing. But i havent! And i want to know how high i can fly. I know i'll do better. If only i bother to put in the effort. So i shall.

I'm not saying work isn't important. I'm saying it's not the most important; not worth selling my soul to.

007 CALEB, SUPER HEBREW SPY

Here's what Caleb has to say about his name.

黄洵万岁! says:
007 CALEB, SUPER HEBREW SPY!
黄洵万岁! says:
he spied on the philistines la!
黄洵万岁! says:
and the giant grapes.
黄洵万岁! says:
with joshua
黄洵万岁! says:
i know, i have the coolest bible name ever right
黄洵万岁! says:
thanks.
黄洵万岁! says:
im thankful i wasnt named
黄洵万岁! says:
NICODEMUS
黄洵万岁! says:
or Pilates

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!!

V.

Helloo. Will the person who commented anonymous in my last entry please identify yourself. Cos as much as i like comments in my blog, i also like to picture the face of the person who wrote it. Thankyouverymucho.

I watched V for Vendetta. And i must say, it was GOOOOOOD. I liked it anyway. I thoguht it was going to be some shallow crime-fighting translation of a comic book character. But no... It was set in the future, and in that time the United States of America had fallen from being the world's superpower after the war in Iraq and ceased to exist. The UK was taken over by a government who imposed a Hitler-like regime in England in the name of some branch of Christianity, and their motto was "England will (or must?) prevail". Complete compliance by the people was expected. They caught religious leaders, homosexuals, supporters of the opposition, etc and stuffed them into detention centres where they became lab rats for scientists. And it was in the light of this situation that V, a masked individual (who escaped from Larkhill Detention Centre in a fire, horribly burnt) inflamed with vengence against the government, decided to fight back. Killing people who worked in the detention centre when he was there, and people of high importance in the government. He wore a wig, a mask, a black cape and gloves, and went by the name V.

Okay i'm rather tired of summarizing the movie. Go and watch yourself. I thoguht it was much better than any movie based on a comic book that has come out so far. And Natalie Portman looks so pretty even when bald. I shall leave you with a poem on Guy Fawkes, the man who plotted to blow up the Parliament building on November the 5th in some ancient year. It's in the movie.

Remember, remember, the 5th of November,
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I know of no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

Tempest.

There is a stormy tempest raging now. Not outside the window, no. It's inside me. And why is that so, you may ask. Why is the usually beautifully calm and mild mannered verayang so riled up on this fair evening?

PMS.

That's the reason. And that's not all! On PMS days, i'm genial when unprovoked. But do i get to be unprovoked today? NO! Firstly i dont get enough sleep the night before so i'm bloody tired, i have a physics test tomorrow which i am NOT ready for, and a bio test the day after, also equally unprepared. So how am i going to prepare properly huh tell me? All i want to do is curl up in mummy's lap so that she can sayang me. But am i home? NO I'M NOT!!! Where am i? IN BLOODY CANADA (which has gotten cold again by the way, after deceptively spring-like weather for three days. we found out in the most obvious way that it was still winter. it snowed). Who likes Canada???!? NOT ME! And what do i get for dinner from commons? Chinese food even thouhg i'm not hungry at all and the people give so much stuff. And wooaahhh... what to i pick? Steamed rice with sweet and sour chicken and chicken balls with sweet and sour sauce. VERA YOU SIAO AH! PREGNANT AH? CHOOSE ALL SOUR FOOD FOR WHAT!? SO HARD TO EAT! But i refuse to blame myself. It's not my fault that my brains are shinking from sourness. I dont know whose fault it is but its not mine! It's the angmohs i tell you! Everything Chinese is sweet and sour right? NO WONDER LA! aha! Blame them! And my soup has what appears to be squishy giant housefly eggs in it. Growl. Why do i persist in wasting time? Everyone has finished studying for a test two days before, but me? I just started! Am i going to blame myself this time? NO I'M NOT! I REFUSE! I went down to get food at 645pm and came back and switched on the computer at 811pm and mummy and papa must have gone to work already because they were not online. And i dont know why but i was so mad. It's not their fault i know. I should have gone online earlier.

But am i going to admit it's my fault?

NO!

I am woman. Hear me roar, bite of your head, chew on it, and spit it out. And then start roaring at someone else.

Everytime i hear a song i know i am possessed by the insatiable need to sing. I have to. It's torturous not to. Now what am i to do when i'm using my earphones so as not to kachiow my roomie with my music, and i just have to sing? Do i just sing acapella? Or do i unplug my earphones and reveal the song in all it's musical splendor and

Manly Maidens and Willowy Men.

We live in a world where men's fashion makes strapping lads look like women, and ladies' apparel looks suspiciously male-like. Men's shirts hug the body so much they look painted on. Only the model's broad shoulders are indication of his sex (not his long flowing mane). A blouse had shoulders so wide i had to look at the model's stilettos to see that she was a girl. She had a V shaped body leh! How i know!? Is this significant to the rise of the third gender? Or a gender grappling for the best of both worlds, maybe.

Dont ask me why i was looking at the Marc Jacobs website halfway through my mock chem test paper.

Look at my sexy lips.

Yes, yes, i know. =) HAHA.

The Awakening.

The impossible happened yesterday - i woke up in the morning after only 5 hours of sleep that night. No mean feat for a person of my calibur (sleep-wise).

I set my alarm for 9am so that i would have ample time to take a nap before i actually wake up, shower, moisturise, change, make minor adjustments to my appearance (if so needed), wear socks, and trot as fast as possible to my bio class, and make it by the skin of my teeth. I was having trouble sleeping the night before so i read my new James Patterson novel to try to tire my eyes out. Uhm... Not a very good plan it turned out. It was so exciting that i had to read and read and read and read all the way until 4am before i couldnt turn the page anymore due to exhaustion. But there i was, semi awake at 845am sitting up in bed, squinting at the world. Woken up by my cell phone. It was JESSIE! Dear FatJess who is not fat at all actually. She we talked about random things for all of 45 mins until she had to bathe and i had to bathe so we finally hung up. And by that time i had to get out of bed bacause i couldnt sleep anymore. HAHA it was a happy start to a day! Plus i learned a deep dark secret. Okay... its not deep actually. Quite frivolous la. Got a tralala quality. Its actually not dark either. Its bright and exciting. HAHA. Someone will get interrogated soooooon!

Pui.

"And even though we keep hearing and even preaching the gospel that we are all sinners and no one can please God except by His grace, we refuse to believe it for ourselves. We can't let go of the thought that we are just a little bit better than common, ordinary sinners -- that we don't need this grace quite as badly as the next guy. It's actually a case of very bad amnesia: we are constantly trying to prove ourselves worthy of being Christians when we forgot what a Christian was in the first place -- someone unworthy to be one were it not for the grace of God."

Oh so true. We are less than dust and yet He died for us. For God so loved the world.

I've heard people talk about "bad people", telling others to steer clear of them. They're unclean, they're blackened and contagious. Don't go near them or it'll catch on, rub off on you. Don't trouble yourself with people who do drugs or get drunk, they're "not like us". Uhm, hello. No basis of comparison here. Look at yourself. Do you think you're good enough? You think youre so pure? What gives anyone the right to judge what is right and wrong when all have sinned? Who says we cant have friends that are sinners? Youre a sinner yourself and you'd be on your way to hell if not for the grace of God. If Jesus decided that we were too worthless to die for we're all dead. Jesus had friends who were terrible sinners, and if a perfect man could befriend people as impure as that, what more us?

He died for all of them. PLUS you. So dont get complacent.

The Pearl (of wisdom).

In everything challenge, there is a danger and opportunity.

Seize the opportunity to grow and be stronger and deeper.

Like the banyan tree - it grows in poor soil, and because it is so, it has to sink its roots deeper to grow strong.

- My Mother.

A rather wisdomous lady, i feel.

My Melancholic Fit.

I was sitting in the cafe last Friday in Burke Science Building drinking tea next to the window by myself. I looked out of the window and was compelled to write the following in the back of the Biology section of my school notebook (written with the intention of blogging it directly):

"I looked out of the window. It was a particularly nice, sparkly sort of morning. The sunlight was visibly golden, and made everything else look radiant and rich, and the world somehow looked more intriguing all of a sudden. The clouds looked exactly like cotton wool puffs on a gentle baby blue sky. I munched happily on my tea biscuit and tried to study my notes.

I looked at the sky again and suddenly thought of my sunny little island (as i have done so often everyday) under that very same sky, shining in its own splendid smallness. I thought of the people in it, people i miss so much, whom i long to see and touch. They are under that same sky, but so, so, so far away. And suddenly the sunlight loses its charm and i feel so alone, separated from all possible human love. It's a so-near-yet-so-far thing.

How can i learn to love this place when all the things i love are somewhere else? I suppose you would say i could learn to love other things here. But well, what about the old things and people? I wont stop missing them. I just want to go home and STAY home. Life will be sunny there, rosy and fuller than any day this cold country has to offer. I look around me and i cannot find a single thing that warms me. The only thing i can do to feel better is think of home where there'll be warm rain instead of freezing snow, and grass that actually stays green.

But most of all, there'll be everything i love."

There. I'm not unhappy if thats what youre thinking. It was just a sudden overwhelming feeling i had to write down. And i wasnt being melodramatic either! It's funny how my writing changes with my mood. As i'm reading what i wrote, it sounds silly and overly-dramatic. But i assure you my dear friend, this is my soul's vomit.

I asked papa whether he liked me so much because i was his first baby.

Living to the MAX says:

i love u cos you r u and cos u r so wonderful

Living to the MAX says:

u always do things that makes me happy

OF THE JULII. says:

hahha!

OF THE JULII. says:

like what

OF THE JULII. says:

but i also make you sad

Living to the MAX says:

like u always know the right way to go

Living to the MAX says:

and the right thing to say

Living to the MAX says:

that pleases me alot

Living to the MAX says:

besides, i alredy love u unconditionally

Living to the MAX says:

just that everything else just makes me love u very very very very much

HEE. I am one lucky little girl. =)

By the way, i'm the best thing that happened to him. Besides marrying mummy. FYI.

uehh.

For all the times i said bean was paranoid, i take them back. Because i'm paranoid too. Turns out that Pam was kidding. What a silly affair.

I dont want to study anymore. It's just not worth the effort. Life will be so much more meaningful if I just watched Friends all day long and ate what i wanted, and did what felt like doing. What am i getting upset about school for? It's stupid being stressed. I know every single one of you will say that life will not be meaningful if we watched Friends and did and ate whatever we wanted. But well i dont care because i say it's true, so it's true! I call upon my genetic disposition to be stubborn and demand that life is not worth living. And if you think i'm being stupid, well, i must say, i dont really care!!

Hell, even the nail polish that i cant clean off my nails is annoying me.

Mankali Man.

Mankali Man. says:
I WANT YOU TO BE ONE OF TWO PEOPLE WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME

HAHAHAHAHA!!! See what minibean said! So cute. I am very very honoured =). Plus we have decided to become sworn sisters. I suggested swearing over running water then cutting our fingers and letting the blood go into the water ala ancient China style, but we decided it was too morbid for our pure little minds. Thus we settled on eating each other's saliva which in the course of our 7 months in CIC we have already done from sharing so much food. Convenient and relatively undisgusting.

I hate it when i know people who matter to me are angry with me. Pam asked me if i wanted to go to a friend's birthday party with her this Friday. First of all, I am the least 'party' person on earth. I cant socialize with random people and come out all impressively light and frothy, i cant dance to save my life (and where there are africans there will definitely be dancing), and i cant hold my alcohol. So yes, parties turn me off because its not fun for me. And from experience i know that black people are really loud and crazy - not that its a bad thing at all that is... i like them for that! But i cant join them in doing their thing just cause i dont know how. So what am i supposed to do there right? I'll be so bloody uncomfortable. Secondly, it doesnt help that Pam will be the only person i know there. It'll be so wonderfully awkward i dont want to think about it. Plus she'll be feeling bad that i'm awkward and she'll be having that on her mind. So anyway, i told her i dont think i want to go cause i'm scared. So i dont know why, she told her african friends that i dont want to go to the party cos i'm scared of black people. And now they think i'm racist. Uhm, please huh. My entire cell group is african thanks. AND WHY ON EARTH WOULD SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? If i was racist why on earth would i be your friend?? Its not true that i dont like black people! I like them very much! I get along with them better than i get along with white people. I would go anywhere with Pam and her friends but just not to a party, thank you very much. I will just die of awkwardness. If anyone thinks what i did was wrong please tell me huh... I dont want to be disillusioned.

Bleugh. I hate it. It messes up my soul.

The Big Chewy News.

SMILES AND BIG LAUGHS ALL AROUND, PEOPLE! THE CLEVER, PRETTY MS IVANE CHEW, GOT THREE BIG, SMILING, SHINY, FLUFFY A's FOR A LEVELS. AND AS FRIEND OF THE CHEW, I AM IMMENSELY PROUD!!!

Announcement number 2. I'M OFFICIALLY GOING HOME FOR THE SUMMER! IT'S ALL CONFIRMED AND STUFF! FLYING ON 28 APRIL LANDING ON THE 29TH. OH AND WHAT A GLORIOUS AND DAZZLING 4 MONTHS I SHALL HAVE! WHAAHHAHA!!

Announcement number 3. I applied for The University of British Columbia second year as a transfer student. I really hope with all my heart i get in. Oh Vancouver, i see you and your shining ice capped mountians winking at me. And my little bean waving frantically. hahaha!

Ooh. And i say... i had no idea nineteen twentyfour was still in existence!